the mask of music

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

yippy.. I've changed my url so less ppl wld noe.. haha.. bloggy.. woots.. love myself.. love my honey bee.. love him lots.. add oil for ur exams dear.. i was almost late for my exams today.. gosh.. hope this time round i can get better results.. dear.. u din wake up to call me.. ><>

as sung at [1:05 PM]

Monday, October 29, 2007

It jus hurts.. I waited for some1 who said he'll try to call.. I wasn't the 1 who asked him to call in the 1st place.. But even until 2am, i dun receive no msg at all.. Shldn't u at least haf the courtesy to tell me not to wait? Hurt is all dat i'm feelin now.. If u dun wanna help me out, can't u jus say earlier so dat i can find my own way? damn it.. Always givin me false hopes.. I'm tryin to hold bac my tears now.. Same things in life to u ppl ain't impt at all, but to me, it's a BIG thing.. I'm sitting at my table.. I made something already.. It may not be pretty.. It may be ugly, But i've done it halfway & I've done it wif my heart.. It hurts me.. Dis small little minor stuffs hurts me deeply.. badly.. It's the miniature things in life dat u actually do notice.. I wanna write all my thoughts out.. thou i'm still keepin some inside.. I ate dinner at er jie's house.. She cooked maggi, bought mushroom and crabsticks.. I feel so bad.. she paid for all.. I feel so bad makin her pay for all.. I jus took ice again.. No more tears for me.. Ice's jus my addiction.. I'm happy when i haf ice.. I cant msg any1 again.. My card is broke together wif me.. @_@ FED UP..

as sung at [2:25 AM]

Sunday, October 28, 2007

I was still SO ok ytd.. still went to get papers frm pop to make him something.. Nv did i expect to see his sent msg.. It was still ok.. But wad made it worst was dat i was thinkin of makin him something.. Moreover he deleted the msg after dat.. wad wld a normal human think?? dat he is jus tryin to hide something so dat i wun noe or find out rite? i was lyk freakin irritated la.. Den after i forgave him i was still quite upset.. but.. i told myself.. dun worry.. try to trust him.. but it's hard.. it really is.. after always havin loved some1.. But.. not bein loved in return.. havin bein hurt again & again.. time after time.. hurt by ppl.. nvm.. i'll learn to stand on my own.. some ppl says i gif in too much in some ways.. is it true?? she says i'm always treatin ppl to eat.. when they've got no money, and i haf enough, i'm always the 1 who treats her or him.. why dun i see it myself? is dis true?? possibly.. maybe i shld trust, but i still think dat he's lyin thru his teeth.. gosh.. if u cant lie, pls dun.. it's so darn FAKE!!! GOSH.. last nite.. da din even bother to tell me to be careful when i told him dat i was walkin home all alone.. da din even bother at all.. i nsg some other frd.. & even he told me to be careful.. he called me.. to ensure i was ok.. da weren't there.. wad can i do?? damn it.. in the morn i pretended as if nth happened.. maybe i shld always put up a brave front no matter wad happens..maybe i shld not bother to let him noe.. so maybe dats another way not to hurt him.. gosh.. i'm really feelin so hurt.. guys are suppose to pay.. another of my frd says.. but its not true.. but guys are suppose to pay at less the same amount a girl is payin.. if not he's supposed to pay more.. if a guy REALLY LOVES a girl, he'd spend more on her den on himself.. he'd cherish her.. is dat also true? many doubts come to my mind den.. i suddenly feel so lost.. I'M NOT MISSING.. I'M NOT MISSING YOU!!!

as sung at [10:22 PM]

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Haf u ever felt lyk u jus wanna hide your face, not wantin any1 to see u in sorrow? Haf u ever felt dat ppl don't appreaciate u suddenly? Haf u felt dat sometimes u jus think too much abt some things? Haf u felt dat the BAD things u did to ppl are RETURNING to u, but the GOOD nv get back ard? MayB its jus my hallucination.. Thinkin dat some things happen, or might happen when it doesn't.. Do u noe wad it feels lyk to not even really noe urself?? Haf u felt left out n wanna get out at the same time, but ppl keep pullin u bac in? Did u hear some1 shoutin or callin out to u, but turn ard to see no1? Ever felt as thou u had a guardian angel somewhere ard but nv noe who it is? haha.. oh man.. wad a joke.. i shld B laughin at myself.. Hysterical.. dats my line.. 'Put a smile on ur face & u'll B happy!' Actually mayB not.. Sometimes i ask myself questions 'What If?' Thou i miss those times, I noe dat I'm not suppose to mention it no more.. It was my own fault.. and i noe it.. I can blame no1.. I shld B happy wif wad i haf now.. Lovin some1 is so HARD.. Bein loved may not be a happy thing either.. I guess, I'll jus tell myself.. [SMILE, COS TMR'LL BE A BETA DAY..]

as sung at [4:42 PM]

Monday, October 22, 2007

It's been quite a while since i've blogged.. I'm feelin quite 'unknown' suddenly.. well.. i'm blurred out.. dunno wad i'm thinkin too.. He always say he'll call back.. & so i wait for his call.. i wait & wait.. but i dun receive no reply.. ARGH.. 4get waitin.. TOTALLY wastin my time.. If u cant call bac or dun wanna bother to call bac, can u jus tell me?? dun keep me bloody waitin lyk a fool.. sometimes i tell myself not to bother.. but i jus cant.. u made me fall into dis.. I'm not deep inside yet, but i noe it'll hurt if dis ends right here.. Sometimes u leave me wonderin if i made a right choice.. U make me ponder.. thou i dun wanna think abt it.. i still ponder.. why? hurtin ppl by breakin up wif dem is not wad i lyk to do.. i had the feel of it myself.. hurt by some1 i still do care abt.. but cant change things.. I'm so afraid.. after comin bac, frm China last yr.. jus 2 days after.. he left.. will it happen again?? i guess i beta get myself prepared.. so dat i wun get hurt so badly.. my heart wld be saved frm shatterin badly, will it? felt wad it's lyk bein a 3rd party & not knowin dat i'm the 3rd party.. I'm unsure of dis.. i wish i knew it all.. i wish i noe myself beta.. i.. dun even really noe myself..

as sung at [10:56 AM]

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Angels flew down to peirce an arrow between our hearts.. love was in E air, we caught our own loved ones.. hopin to nv let dem go.. All ard, ppl watched as thou we jus came out frm mental hospital.. We held each other, tryin not to bother abt other ppl.. We fell deeply in love.. A pure relatiopnship begins frm here.. [29/09/07 10.08pm] I cant believe i was so lucky.. To haf found sumone so sweet lyk honey.. Or rather bitter as he said but good for health.. I felt as thou i was flyin as he held my hand.. I was speechless.. Everything he told me was almost all good.. Lyk to quit sm**ing.. n skippin sch.. wantin me to jus try my very bez for E exams.. i guess, i shldn't let him down.. ^^ erm.. well dats wad my readers wanna noe rite??

as sung at [11:39 AM]